Reflection
by ItsLizabeth
Summary: "Jem? How old was I when Mama died?" Atticus's thoughts as he listens to a conversation between his children


Their quiet voices drifted from the house and filled the dewy night air as he sat pensively on the front porch swing. His heart was near breaking point as he heard them both discussing the mother they could barely remember.

"Jem? How old was I when Mama died?"

Had it really been four years? Four years since her life had been so cruelly cut short? There was nothing he could have done to prevent it. He knew the memory of her collapsing to the floor would be one that would haunt him until his dying day.

"_Atticus! Oh God, Atticus, my chest!" Louise had gripped at her chest as her other hand clung to the wall. Her face had drained white while her eyes squeezed shut in agony. _

_In the blink of an eye, Atticus was beside her. _

"_Again? Lou, you can't ignore this anymore. We have to do something." Atticus stated as his wife began to sink to the floor._

"_I..can't..breathe." Louise managed to force out._

_Atticus caught her fall and lifted her up in his arms._

"_Cal!" he roared over his shoulder, "Go and get Dr. Reynolds! Tell him it's urgent!" _

_Atticus took three steps forward before turning around once more to address his children._

"_Jem! Take Scout into your room and wait until I come and get you. Your Mother isn't feeling well." _

_He knew they would listen. They were good kids. He crossed into their bedroom with his wife nearly passed out in his arms, one hand still lying atop her chest. Ever so gently he laid her on the bed and took her hand in his. _

"_Honey, look at me, where does it hurt?" Atticus asked with worry etched plainly on face._

"_My heart." Her strained voice replied. All the while she continued to grow paler. Her soft brown eyes found his as she seemed to realise and accept what was happening. _

"_Lou, don't. I can't…" Atticus heard his voice crack as he clutched her small hand in his._

"_I love you." Louise whispered and attempted to return the pressure on his hand. Ever so slowly, her eyes began to shut and her hand in his went limp. _

_For what seemed like hours Atticus sat and stared at the remains of his wife. He felt numb. What on earth was he supposed to do? How was he going to tell the children? He was broken from his reverie by a gentle knocking on the door. Dr. Reynolds stood frozen in the doorway as he took in the scene before him. He quietly entered the room and lifted the wrist of Louise Finch. _

"_I'm so sorry, Atticus." Dr. Reynolds spoke solemnly, still staring in disbelief at the body of the young Mrs. Finch. _

_Atticus could only nod as the tears in his eyes began to cascade freely down his face. _

"Was Mama pretty?"

_Atticus Finch did not get nervous. He did not get nervous when he had to argue a particularly difficult case in the courtroom nor when he met with any of his more difficult clients. But Lord help him, he was nervous now. He pulled at his cufflinks, straightened his cravat for about the tenth time in five minutes and pushed his glasses up his nose. _

"_Stop fidgeting." Jack muttered from the corner of his mouth._

_Atticus threw him a nervous glance and turned his gaze back to the preacher. The organ began to play and Atticus was sure his heart was going to burst out of his chest. His gaze remained focused on the preacher until, after what seemed like an eternity, his soon to be wife stood by his side. A smile grew on his face as he slowly lifted her veil. His breath hitched in his throat as he took in the sight before him. Her chestnut hair fell in elegant curls around her daintily made up face, her brown eyes raised bashfully to meet his own and her lips, which were stained red, pulled up in a smile to mirror his own. Try as he might, he could not pull his eyes away from her. In that moment, Atticus Finch was absolutely certain he was the luckiest man alive. _

"Was Mama nice?"

_Clouds formed threateningly in the sky as Atticus rounded the corner to see his wife perched on her usual spot on the front porch. They were now entering their third month of marriage and she still insisted on sitting out to await his arrival. Upon seeing him appear, her face broke into a wide smile and she began her daily journey down the pavement but was once again stopped by the disapproving tones of Mrs. Dubose._

"_Good afternoon, Mrs. Dubose!" Louise called out with a friendly smile and wave towards the old lady. _

"_Louise Finch! What would your mother say if she could see you running around without a shawl on! Why I should go right in now and call her. Let her know her daughter is going to catch her death!" Mrs. Dubose called from her regular spot on her porch._

"_Oh, Mrs. Dubose, you know how forgetful we Graham women are. Thank you for the reminder. I'll try my best to remember my shawl tomorrow." Louise replied with an obvious trace of humour present in her soft voice. _

_Louise pushed her chestnut curls out of her face and carried on her journey until she was enveloped in her husband's arms. _

"_She means well." Louise stated as she pecked him lightly on the lips_

"_That she does, love, that she does." Atticus chuckled as he clasped her hand in his and continued towards their homestead. _

"Did you love her?"

_Atticus entered his home and was greeted with squeals of laughter from his three-year-old son. He stood in the entrance to the living room with raised eyebrows and a smile. His wife and son sat with their backs to him in the rocking chair. Jem sat on his mother's knee as she read from a book and tickled his sides occasionally. _

"_Again, Mama, again!" Jem's eager voice pleaded._

_Louise laughed and pulled her son to her chest._

"_Darling, that's the third time today we've read this. Maybe again tomorrow." Louise offered as she placed a kiss atop his head. _

_Jem raised his head and looked with big brown eyes and toothy grin at his mother._

"_Mama, this book my favourite!" As soon as the words escaped his lips, Jem's smile dropped. "No, Mama, you're my favourite." He burrowed his head into her chest and wrapped his arms around her neck. _

"_Oh, aren't you sweet, darling." Louise caressed the back of his head as Atticus stepped more into the room. _

"_It looks like someone's going to be a mummy's boy." Atticus joked as he kissed his wife's cheek. _

"_Do I detect a hint of jealously, Mr. Finch?" Louise replied slyly with a smirk. "You needn't worry, honey, there's plenty of me to go around." _

"Do you miss her?"

"_Atticus, Jem's sittin' behind the car house by himself." Scout stated with a frown as she sat herself down on the floor of the living room. "We were in the middle of a game and he just walked off. What's the matter with him, Atticus?" _

"_I reckon Jem's just growing. Leave him be for a while and he'll be back to normal." Atticus explained, never lowering his paper._

"_I don't know, Atticus. It looked like he was crying when I went and looked for him. That's why I left him be." Scout commented with an air of nonchalance. _

_This caused Atticus to set his paper in his lap. If his son was upset, of course he wanted to make sure that whatever was bothering him was remedied. He put the paper to the side and pulled himself out of the chair. _

"_Scout, you stay here and I'll go see what's bothering your brother. Maybe someone at school is giving him hassle." _

_Atticus made his way through the kitchen and out the back door towards the car house. Sure enough, when he rounded the corner, there was Jem sitting digging at the ground with a stick. Atticus lowered himself down beside him and spoke in soothing tones._

"_What's the matter, son? Your sister is worried about you." He asked as Jem continued to poke at the hole in the ground. _

"_Nothin' you can help with, sir." Jem explained without looking up. _

"_I might. Why don't you give me a chance." _

"_You can't, sir. You can't bring Mama back." Jem stated in a cracked voice. _

_Atticus felt something tug at his heart and his throat close over. Father and son sat in relative silence before Atticus spoke up once more. _

"_Son, I know you miss her. Lord knows I miss her too. But she's still here with you, watching over you, protecting you. She may not be here with you physically but she'll never leave your heart. As long as you don't forget about her she'll always be with you." _

"_It hurts, Atticus. It really hurts sometimes. I really miss her." Jem broke down and climbed into his fathers lap, burrowing his head in the front of his vest as sobs racked his body. _

_Atticus could do nothing but hold his son close to him as his own tears fell onto the top of Jem's head. _

These thoughts raced through Atticus's mind long after his children had fallen asleep. It was rare that he allowed himself to think so freely about his wife least he break down in front of his children. But there were times, such as these, where he let his mind wander to the comforting memories of the woman he had so loved. For as long as he kept her in his heart, she would always be with him.


End file.
